Learning to read, 1934 - Ursula Wise makes interesting points about reading and creativity.

February 28, 1934 in The Nursery World

Learning to Read 

A boy of three who can almost read but still speaks indistinctly is the subject of one of this week’s letters

“Elderly parent” writes: “I should be so glad of your advice again about my elder son, not three years and four months old. At about two years, by stopping at every house and road name, and asking what the individual letters were (the names as a whole only satisfied him for a very brief period), he learnt to know capital letters. Then he gave them a long rest, til I began to think he had forgotten them. Recently, however, this interest has revived, and has gone a stage further, so that he definitely wants to read. When told the title of a new book, for instance, he demands to know which word is which, and more often than not will spell them out. From the inside of his books, too, he has got to know a good many of the ‘little’ letters, and there are one or two small words, such as ‘of’, that he can always read. So far, I have deliberately refrained, as far as possible, from doing anything but answer his questions, except that, since the school to which he will probably go teaches ‘phonetic’reading, I have from time to time explained that, for instance, ‘D’ says ‘de.’ I cannot help feeling that at the moment this is merely confusing for him, but it seemed desirable to make some kind of link with future teaching, and to a certain extent he seems to grasp the idea. I realise, of course, that this spelling-out of words, and learning of unconnected small words, is unorthodox - but it is his method, not mine! Do you think the time is now ripe to give him rather more definite help, and to provide suitable material, instead of leaving him to choose his own? And, if so, could you recommend a book or books, please?

            “He has learnt to read numbers, up to hundreds, and to count - I enclose notes I made of this process. He knows the days of the week, too, and each morning wants to know that day, and date! But this development in other ways has by no means kept pace. He will scarcely attempt to dress or undress himself, and can only manage very big and easy buttons (a buttoning frame was treated with indifference, though he enjoyed earlier Montessori apparatus, such as the cylinders). Writing, or drawing, too, is a weak point. At Christmas, he suggested, and enjoyed making ‘kisses’ on the dozen or so cards he chose and sent out, but they were extremely wobbly, and often unrecognisable. Recently, he was given a ‘pictures to colour’ book, and enjoyed trying to do this, but with amazingly unskilful results. He has paper and pencils and crayons always available, but very rarely uses them. He can, however, thread beads on to string, and ‘sew’ picture cards with holes, quite well and likes doing them, in moderation. Though he talks incessantly and intelligently (with a continuous stream of ‘why’s’), his speech is very indistinct. Strangers can hardly ever understand him, and we cannot always do so ourselves. When this happens, he will try hard, but often unsuccessfully, to pronounce clearly, and if this fails sometimes gives a very good description of what he means. We have never worried him about pronunciation, and when he is talking to other people we merely ‘translate’ unobtrusively, when necessary. He does not seem to notice, or at any rate mind this. Should we take steps - and, if so, what steps- to redress what seems to be a lop-sided development? Or should we leave him to go his own way and pace., encouraging interests as they appear, and trusting that hands and tongue will have their turn later on. He was always backward in talking, hardly using words at all until till he was nearly two, though he understood well, and could make his wants known. But at one time, he seemed quite advanced for his age, in skill with his hands. He has a brother of one year eight months, with whom he is on good terms, and he has occasional companionship of his own age though it is difficult to arrange for this often enough. I do not know of a nursery school near here, but this term I am hoping to send him to a eurhythmics class for pre-school children - as being better than nothing! His indistinct speech is, of course, a handicap with other children.”

Yes, it would be a very good plan now to give your little boy some more systematic help in reading, since he so much wants this. There are two series of reading books which you would find very helpful: the first, Reading in Twelvemonth, published by Routledge. These books are very well illustrated and printed. The other series is The Kingsway Readers, published by Evans Bros., Montague House, Russell Square, W.C.1. You should get the Teacher’s Manual, as well as the Introductory Books One and Two, which give very simple pictures and sentences.

It is also a very good suggestion to let him go to a eurhythmics class for little children, as that will certainly help less to redress the balance of his general development. Play with other children would be the best help for this one-sided-ness of interest, and it is important to make sure that he always has attractive and useful material on the lines you describe, for painting and drawing and the use of hands generally.

There are, however, genuine individual differences amongst children in the direction of their interests, even as young as this. I should not try to urge him to thread beads and draw, but I should try to make it clear that you yourself valued those activities just as much as you did reading. Sometimes one can communicate one’s own prejudices to a child without intending to. Much depends, too, upon the material that you offer him being of the right sort. The colouring of already printed pictures is not the best help to a child in his early artistic development. Large brushes, two or three jars of ready mixed colour and large sheets of kitchen paper fastened up on a drawing board, that can be placed on a chair at a convenient height for the child to use or standing on the floor against the wall if he has a cushion to kneel on when he used it, are found much more attractive and fruitful. In one school for young children that I know, they have a very good plan. Large sheets of kitchen paper are hung on to brass hooks screwed into a drawing board, a dozen or so hung on top of the other. The child uses each of these in turn, making a design or a picture with large strokes of his brush and water colour, and then lifts each off the hooks as it is done, and puts it to dry. This kind of arrangement stimulates the child’s imaginative expression to an astonishing extent, and even with children of your boys’ age, one can get a series of most delightful designs or pictures of people and events.

Physiology and the School Child, 1935 – Ursula Wise discusses the importance of straightforward clarity and how best to achieve this.

January 8, 1935 in The Nursery World

Physiology and the School Child

Children should be taught something of the workings of the human body, and books both for parents and children to read are mentioned this week

The first two problems this week refer to the giving of information about the physiological basis of human life, and I may therefore answer them together.

            “Enquirer” writes: “Our son, aged thirteen, is going to his public school for the first time next term, and my husband wishes to tell him of the facts of life before he goes. Can you tell me of a book that would give some idea of the best way of explaining things to a boy of that age? He was quite interested in the arrival of our baby girl about three years ago, and we answered all his question quite frankly. But they only touched the fringe of the subject, and since then he has never asked another question on these matters; so we feel a little puzzled as to the best way of opening the subject again.”

            “M. F. M.” writes: “I should be very glad of your help about a subject that has been worrying me for some time. My eldest girl is now ten years old, and I am wondering when I should tell her about menstruation. I notice in most books on ‘how babies are born' they do not mention this subject. J. is a very intelligent child, but rather highly strung and nervous, and I do not want her to be worried about something which might not happen for a year or two. On the other hand, I do not want her to learn about it at school – as I did! Should I tell her now? Your advice in The Nursery World has been most valuable to me. I do not know what I should have done without it.”

There are two books I would recommend to both these correspondent, not necessarily to be put into the hands of the children, but to be used in the first instance for the purpose of reference and illustration. The first is What is Sex? by Dr Helena Wright. This is definitely not a book for the children themselves, but one that discusses the whole problem of the biological development of children and the best ways of dealing with the problems that arise in adolescence, and is an extremely useful book for parents and to read. It gives other sources of reliable information, as well as discussing difficulties in a sensible, straightforward way. The other book, which could be given either to the girl of ten or the boy of thirteen is The Human Body, by Dr. Marie Stopes, published at 3s. 6d. by Putman. Sometimes when I have recommended this book people have been a little scared about it, since Dr Stopes’s name is so intimately connected with the problems of birth control, but this particular volume has nothing to do with the question of birth control, and is different in many respects from Dr Stopes’s other writings. There is nothing in it that anyone need fear giving to boys and girls in their teens. It is a straightforward and work-manlike account of the anatomy and physiology of the body as a whole, including the reproductive processes. It grinds no axe of any sort, and confines itself to a clear statement of the dimple facts, leaving it to the parent to give guidance in the emotional and moral aspects of the family relation. These aspects of sex education – namely, the emotional and moral side, can of course, never be dealt with by giving the child a book to read. They are essentially the parents’ own responsibility, and what parents teach is bound to be an outcome of their own personal attitudes and fundamental beliefs on these matters. It is clear, however, that my correspondents have in mind not this aspect of sex teaching, but the basic physiological facts, whether of the reproductive process itself or of the fundamental physiological changes connected with growth and development in adolescence, and it is desirable that these basic facts should be given in a scientific and intelligible way to the child of these ages.

Through the Child’s Eyes, 1933 - Ursula wise clarifies the difference between spoiling a child and responding to their

November 1, 1933 in The Nursery World

Through the Child’s Eyes

Understanding of the child’s perception of events is very different from a mere spoiling of the child. The person who spoils a child never does understand his needs.  

“Two Kay” writes: “I was very interested in the letter from “Prospice” asking for advice about preparing her small son for the advent of another baby, and I wondered if you would care to pass on to her the following small hints? I have had the same problem and I thought out my plans beforehand and never had any trouble when the baby came. My small boy, at the age of fourteen months, showed great distress when he saw me holding a little niece in my arms and as my second baby was due in four months, I saw that great care would have to be taken if he were not to suffer greatly from jealousy. Your advice will help “Prospice” in all her general handling of the situation, but I venture to suggest two small points. During the first two or three visits of ex-baby to the nursing home, let him see the new baby in the cot or in the nurse’s arms; and let him nurse the baby for a moment if it is at all possible. Secondly, when he sees the baby in “Prospice’s” arms, if she keeps her eyes fixed on ex-baby, he will not feel cut off from her. This sounds an unimportant point, but I have found from experience that it is of great reassurance in those first anxious weeks. After all, when a mother looks down at a baby in her arms, they look so complete and so absorbed in each other, that any on-looker feels excluded. I do hope “Prospice,” whose little son sounds so charming, will be as happy with her two babies as I was and that when they grow a little older, they will mean as much to each other as mine do. “

These two points, which are likely to be very important to the older child on his first introduction to the new baby, seem to be extremely valuable suggestions. They are valuable, however, not only because of their specific importance but because they illustrate so clearly the possibility of appreciating the feelings of the little child from the inside. An understanding of the child’s perceptions of events, and the feelings that are bound to arise because of the way he perceives, is very different from a mere spoiling of the child, in the sense of indulgence or coddling. The person who “spoils” a child never does understand his needs. One of the essential features of spoiling is that the child’s less controllable emotions, anger, greed, jealousy, and so on, are stimulated by carelessness and unimaginativeness on the part of the grown-ups, and then the child is alternately indulged and thwarted in their expression. To base one’s treatment of the child on a real appreciation of his problems is quite a different affair.

Slow Development, 1931 - Ursula Wise helps a correspondent for the second time - offering the child positive suggestion and encouragement are her key points.

April 8, 1931 in The Nursery World

Slow development 

 “K.P.H.” writes: - “Sometime ago I wrote to you about my little charge, who is now three years and three months old, and I wish to thank you for your advice. I am very pleased to say that since then he has greatly improved; although he is still rather wilful, he is much more obedient, and will do things now with little fuss, so that for almost three months I have had no reason to shut him up alone in a room. Once again, I need your help, but this time I am worried about his being so backward. Of course, some children are not so clever as others, I know, and I must not forget to add that. ‘D.’ was very ill at the age of eight months and that same illness lasted until he was about eighteen months old, which, of course, put him back almost a year. (I was not with him then, but I have heard all about it from his Mummy and Daddy.) But even so, putting him back one year, he is still a backward, because a child of two says more than ‘D.’ He is just beginning to talk now and make short sentences. His Daddy suggests giving him about ten minutes’ ‘object lessons’ every day, and gradually working up until we get to the stage when he could be taught his alphabet. I am starting tomorrow, so must hope for the best possible results. The thing that distresses me most is the fact that he simply will not ask for attention. He is attended to at 6.30 a.m., 9 a.m., 12 noon, between 3 and 6 p.m., and at 10 pm., but if he does want anything between those times he will just walk round and round and up and down until someone happens to see him. If nobody is about he never thinks of coming in to ask (he won’t ask even if one is right next to him), and the result is fatal. I have tried any amount of ways to teach him to ask, but have found nothing that will succeed. My last effort has been to send him to the bathroom to attend to himself (this he can do perfectly well), thinking that perhaps in time he would go off by himself; but even that he has failed, and now I am puzzled as to what to do next. His bladder is not weak, and I’m very much afraid that it is laziness on his part. He can ask for things like milk and chocolates and toys – anything that is nice! – but I do hope you will be able to answer - your suggestions are so helpful. P.S. – it may interest your readers to know that I have had the same trouble with ‘D.’ and his small brother over hair-washing, but we have just recently overcome that fear by playing ‘wow-wows’ – having a bath, kneeling in the bath on hands and knees. I carefully soap, and rinse their hair, and they think it is great fun; barking and growling goes on all through the performance. I wonder if this one will help some mother or nanny with wee ones?” 

First, with regard to the question of backwardness. It does sometimes happen that an intelligent boy speaks very little at three years of age, so that I should not feel worried about it. On the other hand, I agree that everything should be done to stimulate his interest in the world and to foster any inquiring tendencies that he may happen to show. But I don’t think that definite “object-lessons” of any formalkind will be the best help. Free and lively talk about things you are yourself interested in, or things to which he shows any spontaneous attention will certainly be useful; for example, things you see on your walks together, flowers and animals, or motor cars and shops and people, or the child’s own playthings in the home and garden. I should share in his play and follow up any game that he starts, enjoying it with him, being ready to answer any questions, and in general letting him have as lively and free a companionship with you as you can possibly give him. But I should very definitely avoid anything formal or anything in the shape of lessons. Nor would it be desirable to introduce the alphabet for a year, or even two years to come. Let the child do things with his hands and find out by actual experience and actual play. He will then develop a wish to read and write in the normal course. 

As regards the other problem, I think your plan of training him to attend to himself is the best. But you cannot expect it to succeed in a short time. Nor can you expect any success with a frequent change of methods and motives. Trying different methods one after another is always bewildering to the child. But if you choose one that is sensible and reasonable and keep to it, he will in time get into the routine that you desire. As he can manage to attend to himself, that is surely the line to take. Now, I should train him to do this at the regular times that you say he is now attended to. And I should use those occasions for speaking of your admiration for his being able to look after himself now that he is getting such a big boy. At other times I should keep a look-out for the signs that you know indicate his need to go to the lavatory, and I should then say to him, “Wouldn’t it be a good thing to run off there before you make yourself uncomfortable?” If you avoid scolding or reproach, but continue steadily and unconcernedly using this method of positive suggestion and encouraging him to independence, he will respond to it. 

Uncontrolled, July 1934 - Ursula Wise tackles the tricky problem of a little boy who shows affection in an aggressive way that hurts other babies and children

July 25, 1934 in The Nursery World

Uncontrolled

A little boy who shows his affection by biting and pinching 

“Perplexed” writes:- “Would you please advise me how to deal with my small son aged two and a half years? My particular problem is that he will show his affection – or feelings of some sort, by grabbing hold of people, clenching his teeth and biting or pinching them. It seems always that bare flesh has this effect on him, for instance, a little girl’s bare legs will either get violently kissed and caressed or just as violently pinched. Today he has worried me very much by biting the finger of a friend’s six month old baby and a few days ago he almost throttled another small child by putting his hands round his throat and squeezing it. How does one deal with this sort of thing – reasoning is hopeless, as he says quite readily that he is sorry but does a similar thing a little while afterwards. My husband thinks a sharp smack at the time is the best thing,  but I feel  it wouldn’t be wise because I don’t think he is actuated by unkindness or naughtiness – simply an exuberance of feeling that he is unable to control; but how can I help him to learn control at his age? He is a high-spirited, excitable child, very intelligent for his age, but with an affectionate disposition. 

Many little boys of about this age tend to be rather violent in their affection, but grow through it quite normally during the following year. Your little boy feels this impulse of violent affection rather more strongly than most, and for that reason he ought certainly to have very careful supervision. I would not, for example, leave him alone with children younger than himself, whom he might seriously hurt.  But otherwise I  should not worry unduly about it. Punishment would not help. Severe punishment might stop him doing it , but would be certain to lead to serious emotional difficulty later on. I would not try to reason with him; as you say, the impulse is too strong to be affected by reason. But I would definitely let him feel that you would not allow him to hurt other children. I would say quite clearly and calmly that other people don’t like that to be pinched or grabbed, and that you don’t want him to do that. I would show him that you take it for granted that he will learn to be more gentle in his feelings of affection, and otherwise I would rely upon careful supervision to prevent his doing any real harm by hurting or frightening other children. I have found with boys who had a tendency to bite, out of the exuberance of affection, that this simple matter-of-fact way of dealing with it: “No, I don’t want to be hurt,” or “I won’t let you hurt so-and-so,” was the best possible way of helping the child to learn control this impulse. Sometimes a boy of, say, three and a half will say: “I’m going to bite your finger”; and if, instead of scolding and reproaching, one says: “Thank you, but I don’t want to be bitten, I don’t like being hurt,” he will say: “All right, I will kiss you instead.” Very often they grow out of this tendency by three and a half of for years. It is really only a matter of time and of avoiding such violent treatment as to frighten the boy himself.”

Shyness is often a sign of self-defence, 1931 - Ursula Wise talks about giving children time to come out of themselves.

October 14, 1931 in The Nursery World

Shyness is often a sign of Self Defence

“A.B.C." writes: “I should be very glad if you help me over a difficult problem that has arisen with my little girl of two years and eight months. She is really quite a sociable and friendly little girl, who very much enjoys the company of others, but always makes me feel awkward when I take her out of have people to see us. When you ask her to say, ‘Good morning’ or ‘Good-bye’ she will look very solemn and say nothing but, ‘No.’ If she is left alone, after minutes or so she becomes very friendly and playful, but this cannot always be done. She will not even say ‘Good morning’ to her daddy or to me, and to most questions she answers ‘No’ in a very cross way. I feel I can never take her to see anyone that I do not know very well, as she appears so cross, and unfriendly, which is not really the case. Sometimes after having a very nice afternoon somewhere she will not say ‘Good-bye’ when leaving. I should mention that she has been late in talking, and it is only about the last three months that she has said very much. I daresay she will grow out of this, but I wondered which way is the best to treat this matter, as I am afraid if making things worse. So I thought perhaps you would know how to deal with this and would let me have your advice.’

It is a very interesting psychological problem how so many tiny children, who are quite sociable and friendly after the first greeting of strangers has safely been got over, will yet show this negative feeling in the first moment or two, and particularly will not respond to the formal greeting. It seems clear that the first signs of contact with strangers or people who are not very familiar causes a certain amount of fear in the child, and the child has to defend herself in this way by having nothing to do with them. But if the strangers do not press themselves upon the child, but remain quietly friendly and take no particular notice, the child has time to get over her defensive mood. She then discovers that after all they are not going to eat her up, and will herself make advances. It is much the best to let her discover this for herself. She is much more likely to learn to respond immediately with a happy greeting if no notice is taken of the sullenness and no attempt made to force conventional behaviour. It is really only a matter of waiting, perhaps a year or two, perhaps less and any little child who does not have unfortunate experiences of rough or unkind grown-ups will learn to trust even strangers sufficiently to greet them pleasantly at once. Your little girl’s behaviour is most common between two and four years of age. It is comparatively rare after that age, except in children who have been frightened or cowed. As your little girl is generally backward in talking, it is particularly important not to increase her self-consciousness by making a fuss about these greetings. When, however, you and she are leaving someone with whom she had had a nice afternoon, I would not hesitate to make a cheerful suggestion that she should say, “Good-bye” and to tell her that people rather like to have a cheerful parting of that kind when they have all enjoyed themselves. But I should not go further than such a comment. And if I were taking her to see strangers, I would try to let them know beforehand that she was rather shy just yet, but really quite friendly, as they would find if they wouldn’t mind leaving her alone for the first few minutes. But I would not trouble unduly about the matter in any way. 

Encouraging independence , 1937 - Ursula Wise offers tips on how to sensitively encourage practical independence.

March 10, 1937 in The Nursery World 

Encouraging Independence

“W. V.” writes: “My little boy is just four and a-half. I am worried, as he will not try and do anything for himself in the way of dressing, etc. It is very difficult to get him to do new things - even to using a fork with his pudding spoon. He is a very clean little chap but refuses to do anything for himself, and I feel that if I make him he may through nervousness wet himself and not ask when he wants to go. He is very obstinate and rather nervous, but quick at picking up things he wants to learn about and very loving. It is difficult to know what to do, as I do not want to upset him, but I do feel he ought now to be doing more for himself.”

You do not tell me anything in your letter about what methods you have already used to encourage your little boy to do these things for himself. With regard to dressing, have you tried doing something for him yourself and then suggesting that he tries to do the next thing, then doing something with him again? For instance, when doing up buttons, you could say, “I will do this one up, then perhaps you will do the next one, then I will fasten another one,” making it, in this way, into a pleasant game. I would have this encouraging playful attitude towards the whole question of his doing things for himself, not treating it as a duty which has to be performed. (If you have a Nanny, you could get her to use the same method.) I wonder if he has been treated too much as a baby altogether, if, for instance, he has had a Nanny who has done everything for him? This is a supposition on my part, because you do not give me much sufficient information in your letter to discover the cause of your difficulty with your boy. If this is correct, however, and the boy had had a Nanny, who has done too much for him, it would not be surprising that that he showed this lack of independence now. The best way to encourage independence in a child is to make use of the very first attempts which he makes towards self-help, and to follow the lead which he gives you in this way, by providing the right materials and opportunities for the employment of his efforts towards independence. If we do not make use of these first, spontaneous efforts towards self-help, the child sometimes gets discouraged, and gives up the attempt, and then we find it much more difficult later on to arouse the interest in doing things for himself which will lead to the independence we desire. Now, with a boy your son’s age, I would provide him with plenty of active occupations, outdoor and indoor, and with material for the development of manipulative skill – hammering, building, cutting out modelling, etc. If possible, I would let him have a climbing frame, and sandpit and water in the garden. He might also like gardening itself, if you gave him a small patch of garden of his very own. All these things will aid him in the development of all-round self-help and independence, which should react on the particular situations of his dressing, feeding, etc. Then I would try the particular method I have suggested with regard to the dressing – i.e. a mixture of helping him yourself and suggesting and encouraging independence. But I would not press a particular point too much, for instance, his using a fork as well as a spoon. Let him manage with a spoon if he can do so, until he begins to find gradually, with the development of his skill, that a fork can be a help and not a hinderance. If you encourage his all-round development in the ways I have suggested, you will find that he will then begin to manage the cleanliness problem for himself also. I would not urge him too much about this specifically, since, as you say, you do not want to upset him in the matter.