Welcome to a blog of the less familiar Susan Isaacs
Susan Isaacs was an eminent and highly influential psychoanalyst, psychologist and educationalist . Though well known and frequently referenced for her work in these three major fields, there is another area in which she has had major and lasting influence for which she has not received due acclaim: this is her work as a parenting advisor. Isaacs, using the pseudonym of Ursula Wise, was an agony aunt for concerned parents writing to 'The Nursery World' from 1929- 1936.
At least two letters a week were printed and those that weren't she replied to personally, so not one letter went unacknowledged. Hence, an immense amount of work that is very little known about - even among Isaacs's fans. Isaacs’s archive at University College London’s Institute of Education contains in excess of seven hundred of these letters.
I have recently published a book containing a selection of these letters (Wise Words: How Susan Isaacs Changed Parenting: Routledge) organised into themed chapters including behaviour, eating, sleeping, fears and phobias, play, education. This blog is, in part, a space for some of the many letters I had to omit - it was very tricky making a selection for the book from the huge amount of correspondence - all the letters have something of value in them. Many of the letters are directly relevant today and, due to all of her advice being based on sound principles, the majority of letters applicable in that they can be adapted to current situations.
It is also a space for further correspondence from Susan Isaacs's later writing as an advisor for parents and teachers in the publication Home and School (later re-named The New Era) in a column of 'Readers' Questions'- this work is equally unknown. This came after her Nursery World column and differs from it in that this includes older children and written by Dr Susan Isaacs - no pseudonym.
The intention of this blog is to make this important resource available for those who don't have time to spend at the archive. Having said that, I would strongly recommend at least one visit for anyone interested in her work. As well as the parenting advice there is much more worth seeing in Susan Isaacs archive - memorabilia, letters, writing by her sister, and much more. The staff at the archive are brilliant - very friendly and helpful and it is open access - just phone or e mail to book.
At least two letters a week were printed and those that weren't she replied to personally, so not one letter went unacknowledged. Hence, an immense amount of work that is very little known about - even among Isaacs's fans. Isaacs’s archive at University College London’s Institute of Education contains in excess of seven hundred of these letters.
I have recently published a book containing a selection of these letters (Wise Words: How Susan Isaacs Changed Parenting: Routledge) organised into themed chapters including behaviour, eating, sleeping, fears and phobias, play, education. This blog is, in part, a space for some of the many letters I had to omit - it was very tricky making a selection for the book from the huge amount of correspondence - all the letters have something of value in them. Many of the letters are directly relevant today and, due to all of her advice being based on sound principles, the majority of letters applicable in that they can be adapted to current situations.
It is also a space for further correspondence from Susan Isaacs's later writing as an advisor for parents and teachers in the publication Home and School (later re-named The New Era) in a column of 'Readers' Questions'- this work is equally unknown. This came after her Nursery World column and differs from it in that this includes older children and written by Dr Susan Isaacs - no pseudonym.
The intention of this blog is to make this important resource available for those who don't have time to spend at the archive. Having said that, I would strongly recommend at least one visit for anyone interested in her work. As well as the parenting advice there is much more worth seeing in Susan Isaacs archive - memorabilia, letters, writing by her sister, and much more. The staff at the archive are brilliant - very friendly and helpful and it is open access - just phone or e mail to book.
"Harassed" writes: "Your answers to correspondents are exceedingly clear, and when I read them I say, ‘That is just the answer I should think of’, though I believe I should have great difficulty when it came actually to putting it into words! However, I cannot answer my own problems, so will you please help me?" (20 August 1930).
This collection brings together the columns of parenting adviser Ursula Wise, "agony aunt" for The Nursery World between 1929 and 1936, and pseudonym for the eminent educationalist and pioneering psychoanalyst Susan Isaacs.
Wise’s replies, informed by theories in education, psychology and psychoanalysis, provide an insight into the development of modern, child-centred attitudes to parenting, with remarkably fresh and relevant advice. The letters are passionate, urgent, occasionally provocative, sometimes funny and always thoughtful. Topics from behaviour and temperament, anxieties and phobias, to play and education are explored and each theme is introduced and contextualised in contemporary parenting approaches.
Bringing pivotal theories from the fields of education, child psychology and psychoanalysis into dialogue, this is an essential read for early years practitioners, teachers, course leaders and those studying in the field of early years education and child psychoanalysis. The continued relevance of Isaacs’ advice for modern parenting also makes this an enjoyable and informative read for parents. It is also an excellent resource for those interested in social history and the little known contributions made by women pioneers.
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Perdita writes: “Since the birth of my second baby (a boy aged fourteen months) I have taken The Nursery World and read it from cover to cover each week. I have meant for months to write and ask your advice with regard to my elder child Matilda, a girl of three years and nine months. I feel I have totally mismanaged her.” 14th February, 1934, The Nursery World.
This is just one of hundreds of appeals made by parents and nannies in the 1930s to The Nursery World’s parenting advisor Ursula Wise. Though decades have passed, it is apparent from the letters that the concerns of parents remain pretty much the same:
“J. B. D.”, on 16th August 1933, writes to Wise concerned about whether her rather lively two year old son should be trained to remain at the dining table for the whole of the meal with his parents.
Wise replies with her thoughts,
“… it is quite general for children of his age to want to stand up and walk around during meals. The convention of sitting does not come very easily to young children, and if we demand it we have to realise it will take a time for the child to achieve. Two years is indeed rather young to expect a child to sit through a meal with grown-ups, and follow grown-ups notions of manners and politeness. It would be better to postpone this a little longer - or at any rate, to make a transition, by not expecting the child to sit for more than a few minutes a table after he has finishes his own meal.”
“Bothered”, on 11th July 1934, is having trouble at bed time - her once angelic little girl has taken to screaming when put to bed. She beseeches Wise,
“What steps should I take to have me model child restored to me?” Wise reassures her,
“I constantly get second letters from mothers, which space will not allow me to quote, who have acted on my suggestion that it is better to recognise the child’s need for special comfort when going to sleep, and give it quietly and calmly. These mothers tell me that when they have acted upon this advice the need for the presence of the mother at bed-time soon passes, sometimes even within two or three weeks, and the child learns to all asleep contentedly.”
“M.E.P.” on 19th August 1931, confronted with her determined, strong-willed daughter writes to Wise describing the child's fiery behaviour, whilst also admitting that she too has always had a bad temper:
“Can you help me to bring up my wee daughter as I find great difficulty in doing this as well as I should like? … just lately she has become very bad-tempered. Throws the food away when she has licked the butter off, and so on. Screams when I put her on the chamber very often, and always wants to be picked up.” Wise offers both comfort and tips,
“I sympathise very much with your difficulty, as it is never easy to handle a child who has such a ready temper, especially if one feels guilty over the same thing. I agree too with the importance of trying to train your little girl so as to curb her temper. There is, however, only one piece of general advice to be given - that is, to be perfectly firm in not allowing the child to tyrannise over you or other people because you are afraid of her temper. If she finds that she gains that advantage by her outbursts, she will naturally go on indulging in them. If, however, she finds that they bring her no gain, and she does not get any privilege or consolation through her temper, she is much more likely to control it.”
Despite the old-fashioned turn of phrase and tenor of the correspondents, the content and anxieties of the letters would not seem out of place in a magazine or on an internet forum today. How many carers of young children do not, from time to time, have concerns about eating, sleeping, behaviour, tantrums, fears, jealousy, socialising, bad habits, children’s questions about birth and death, and so on. The column is timeless.
Wise, however, was writing over eight decades ago. This was at the time when the doctrinaire and rigid child-rearing practices of Truby King were still the most prevalent. His ‘one size fits all’ package of four hourly feeds, strict sleeping routines and not showing affection to the baby being the staples of his guidance. It seems that King, a former cattle farmer, promoted similar methods for raising children. Wise could not have been more different.
Wise’s approach was all about the individuality and particularity of each child. She was able to communicate her knowledge and experience in education, psychology and psychoanalysis to address her readers in an accessible and caring way: caring, that is, towards both child and carers. Throughout the correspondence, she recommends talking and reasoning with the child using a quiet and friendly or pleasant firmness. She acknowledges, however, that this won’t happen every time - no parent is a saint!
Wise’s voice, candid though compassionate, is principally based on understanding the child. She would recommended texts to help her readers learn something about child development. This, in itself, could help alleviate parental angst in that it would give them an idea of the sorts of behaviour they might encounter. It also enabled parents to make reasonable expectations according to the child’s development. The majority of Wise’s guidance focussed on bearing with what were, more often than not, temporary difficulties - they would sort themselves out over time if handled sensitively.
Wise was radical and courageous, rebuffing many standard practices and beliefs of the era. On 11th January 1933, she makes it clear that,
“There are a great many reasons for considering that smacking a child is a very bad method of training. I should have to write a book to give you all the answers.” Unremittingly opposed to smacking, Wise repeatedly how ill-advised it is, never justifying it.
Similarly, on 8th January 1930, one of her bolder recommendations comprises the importance of children, “…finding useful ways of letting them enjoy the pleasures of destruction.” Wise consistently promotes of lots of physical, free and occasionally hair-raising outdoor play!
On 27th January 1937, Wise claims, “I do not believe in the term “laziness” as an explanation for the child’s behaviour.” If the environment is not stimulating and interesting to the child then why would they engage with it -she would not advocate doing this simply out of obedience and politeness.
Wise’s letters are a real treasure trove of beautifully written, insightful and compelling reading. She offered a profoundly alternative and wise way forward for parents and nannies. This aspect of her work, though of great influence and importance today, has remained unrecognised. Ursula Wise was a truly pioneering woman well- ahead of her time who changed the lives of those looking after children and, moreover, for those children.
This is just one of hundreds of appeals made by parents and nannies in the 1930s to The Nursery World’s parenting advisor Ursula Wise. Though decades have passed, it is apparent from the letters that the concerns of parents remain pretty much the same:
“J. B. D.”, on 16th August 1933, writes to Wise concerned about whether her rather lively two year old son should be trained to remain at the dining table for the whole of the meal with his parents.
Wise replies with her thoughts,
“… it is quite general for children of his age to want to stand up and walk around during meals. The convention of sitting does not come very easily to young children, and if we demand it we have to realise it will take a time for the child to achieve. Two years is indeed rather young to expect a child to sit through a meal with grown-ups, and follow grown-ups notions of manners and politeness. It would be better to postpone this a little longer - or at any rate, to make a transition, by not expecting the child to sit for more than a few minutes a table after he has finishes his own meal.”
“Bothered”, on 11th July 1934, is having trouble at bed time - her once angelic little girl has taken to screaming when put to bed. She beseeches Wise,
“What steps should I take to have me model child restored to me?” Wise reassures her,
“I constantly get second letters from mothers, which space will not allow me to quote, who have acted on my suggestion that it is better to recognise the child’s need for special comfort when going to sleep, and give it quietly and calmly. These mothers tell me that when they have acted upon this advice the need for the presence of the mother at bed-time soon passes, sometimes even within two or three weeks, and the child learns to all asleep contentedly.”
“M.E.P.” on 19th August 1931, confronted with her determined, strong-willed daughter writes to Wise describing the child's fiery behaviour, whilst also admitting that she too has always had a bad temper:
“Can you help me to bring up my wee daughter as I find great difficulty in doing this as well as I should like? … just lately she has become very bad-tempered. Throws the food away when she has licked the butter off, and so on. Screams when I put her on the chamber very often, and always wants to be picked up.” Wise offers both comfort and tips,
“I sympathise very much with your difficulty, as it is never easy to handle a child who has such a ready temper, especially if one feels guilty over the same thing. I agree too with the importance of trying to train your little girl so as to curb her temper. There is, however, only one piece of general advice to be given - that is, to be perfectly firm in not allowing the child to tyrannise over you or other people because you are afraid of her temper. If she finds that she gains that advantage by her outbursts, she will naturally go on indulging in them. If, however, she finds that they bring her no gain, and she does not get any privilege or consolation through her temper, she is much more likely to control it.”
Despite the old-fashioned turn of phrase and tenor of the correspondents, the content and anxieties of the letters would not seem out of place in a magazine or on an internet forum today. How many carers of young children do not, from time to time, have concerns about eating, sleeping, behaviour, tantrums, fears, jealousy, socialising, bad habits, children’s questions about birth and death, and so on. The column is timeless.
Wise, however, was writing over eight decades ago. This was at the time when the doctrinaire and rigid child-rearing practices of Truby King were still the most prevalent. His ‘one size fits all’ package of four hourly feeds, strict sleeping routines and not showing affection to the baby being the staples of his guidance. It seems that King, a former cattle farmer, promoted similar methods for raising children. Wise could not have been more different.
Wise’s approach was all about the individuality and particularity of each child. She was able to communicate her knowledge and experience in education, psychology and psychoanalysis to address her readers in an accessible and caring way: caring, that is, towards both child and carers. Throughout the correspondence, she recommends talking and reasoning with the child using a quiet and friendly or pleasant firmness. She acknowledges, however, that this won’t happen every time - no parent is a saint!
Wise’s voice, candid though compassionate, is principally based on understanding the child. She would recommended texts to help her readers learn something about child development. This, in itself, could help alleviate parental angst in that it would give them an idea of the sorts of behaviour they might encounter. It also enabled parents to make reasonable expectations according to the child’s development. The majority of Wise’s guidance focussed on bearing with what were, more often than not, temporary difficulties - they would sort themselves out over time if handled sensitively.
Wise was radical and courageous, rebuffing many standard practices and beliefs of the era. On 11th January 1933, she makes it clear that,
“There are a great many reasons for considering that smacking a child is a very bad method of training. I should have to write a book to give you all the answers.” Unremittingly opposed to smacking, Wise repeatedly how ill-advised it is, never justifying it.
Similarly, on 8th January 1930, one of her bolder recommendations comprises the importance of children, “…finding useful ways of letting them enjoy the pleasures of destruction.” Wise consistently promotes of lots of physical, free and occasionally hair-raising outdoor play!
On 27th January 1937, Wise claims, “I do not believe in the term “laziness” as an explanation for the child’s behaviour.” If the environment is not stimulating and interesting to the child then why would they engage with it -she would not advocate doing this simply out of obedience and politeness.
Wise’s letters are a real treasure trove of beautifully written, insightful and compelling reading. She offered a profoundly alternative and wise way forward for parents and nannies. This aspect of her work, though of great influence and importance today, has remained unrecognised. Ursula Wise was a truly pioneering woman well- ahead of her time who changed the lives of those looking after children and, moreover, for those children.
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