June, 1933 in The Nursery World
Problems with Boys
“How can I help with my boy’s over-exuberance?” asks a mother this week
"Gyp" writes:
“My husband and I are against corporal punishment and have never applied it. I would very much like to know how you would deal with such ‘pranks’ as drawing on the walls, doors, etc. The boy, who is five and a-quarter, seems to get hold of pencils in a remarkable way and we never catch him actually scribbling. He has plenty of blocks and paper to write on. we had one nursery repapered last September, but it is already spoilt. He is terribly full of life – quite wild. He is perfectly good with me, but as soon as his daddy goes in to say good night to him he leaps out of bed and starts playing the fool, takes his pyjamas off, strips his bed and nurse’s, throws everything about and one night actually picked the jug of water up and poured the contents all over the armchair and floor. All this he thinks is huge fun and is still more amused when we do not seem to like it. If my husband says he will not say good night to him and leaves the room, the boy just rushes out all over the flat and it is impossible to keep him in is room. The only punishment we can give him is not to allow him in the sitting room with us the next day – this he minds very much. He has plenty of little friends to play with and takes a lot of exercise and is out from 9.30 a.m. till noon and 2 p.m. till 6 p.m., has riding lessons and rhythmic dancing twice a week and is in bed by 7 p.m. he is very intelligent and forward for his age and very easy to reason with except during his wild moments – I do hope you can advise me how to cope with his over-exuberance without crushing spirits.”
From the practical point of view you certainly have something of a problem with your little son. I do not, however, think you have a psychological problem. That is not to say, there is nothing in this behaviour of your boy that augurs ill for his future development. He is obviously full of energy and fun, and all that is needed, from the point of view of his future character, is the gradual deflection of this vigour and horse-play into more useful social channels. But as compared with the children who are always whining and unhappy, or merely indifferent and inhibited, your boy is well off in his psychological make-up. From the practical point of view his scribbling and his over-excitement when his daddy goes into his room must be something of a nuisance. But I think a good deal of the practical inconvenience could be obviated, and it seems to me likely also that if you based your remonstrances about his behaviour simply on the practical grounds of inconvenience, that would be more likely to have an effect in subduing his excitement to a more reasonable level than any scolding.
For example, would not it be possible to have a wall of his nursery painted instead of papered, so that the scribbling could be washed off? That is what I should do if I had charge of a boy whose activities took this direction; and I should not hurry to wash off his drawings, but should take an interest in them and let him have at any rate the lower half of the wall of his nursery to decorate in this way. It may very well be that he has the makings of an artist in him, if this channel of activity were opened up to him. I may be wrong in this, as you do not mention actual drawing, but only scribbling. Even so, I would let him have at any rate a piece of the wall to put his mark on, and suggest his washing the wall clean himself when he is tired of what he has written.
As regards the horse-play when his father comes in to say goodnight to him, I would say to him that it is really rather a nuisance to other people, and that if it goes beyond a certain point his father will not be able to spend these few minutes with him in the evening. But before it reached that point it would be a good idea if his father would actually join in some physical activity with him, a few minutes of pillow fight for example, or teaching the boy to box, or merely a good chase in the garden before he went to bed. It is clear that he needs some pretty vigorous physical mode of expression for his feelings, and it is far better to recognise this and try to provide some constructive channel that will not be a nuisance to other people, than to make him be quiet and subdued in an unnatural way. The riding and rhythmic dancing are both excellent. Some more definite teaching would also be very good for him, since he is well advanced for his age. I should let him learn to read and write, if he is not doing that yet. I certainly agree with you that corporal punishment would not be any help to the development of such a boy, and the only attitude is to find constructive activities as an outlet for him. In any case, this horse-play mode is sure to be simply a phase of his development that will pass away normally within the next year or two.
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