The child who will not eat
“Gee” writes: “I read your columns of The Nursery World with much interest and am venturing to ask your advice about my small boy aged four years next month. The main problem at present is that he will not eat, but will sit and dream and play with his food during meal times. He has his meals with us, as we have not room for a day nursery, and it is inconvenient for him to have his meals alone. I have tried playing with him, forcing him to eat (i.e. feeding him myself which he usually objects to very much), taking no notice of him and making him go without his food. But none of these remedies seem very effective. He is very fond of sweets, but I try to limit him to one during the morning and two after lunch or tea. He is tall for his age and although not fat, is far from skinny, with the exception of his legs, which are extremely thin and very double-jointed, which means he is constantly falling down. He is very healthy indeed, and never still for a moment, except when in bed. He sleeps well and has an hour’s rest before lunch every day. His father has a very small appetite, and I am not a great eater, so do you think it is just natural for him to eat very, very little? Even as an infant he was always rather ‘difficult’ with bottles. He has never been ‘spoilt’ not allowed much of his own way, but if he really doesn’t want the food, shall I just let him leave it? I hate people to be ‘faddy’ over food, and am so afraid he may grow up to be one of those people who ‘don’t like this’ and ‘can’t eat that.’
“As regards his legs, is there any other way - apart from sending him to a dancing class, which I have already done - in which I can help to develop them? He is never free from bruises caused by his falls, and although he never cries, I don’t think it can do him any good. Could I massage them in any way?”
It sounds to me as if you had fussed too much about your boy’s not eating. So often this situation is created at the first sign of any reluctance to eat what he is supposed to eat - perhaps soon after he first gets on solid food. If one then does start pressing and urging, the child may go on expecting this and being unable to eat unless he gets it. I cannot tell from your letter whether this has been the history. It does happen that there are children who are very difficult from the beginning, and you say that he was difficult even in the bottle stage. And yet it seems to me likely that you have had too much anxiety about the whole thing, as you say you “hate people to be faddy over food.” Children readily sense the emotions of adults about these things, and this very often increases rather than lessens the difficulty. I should certainly be inclined to try the policy of consistently leaving him alone, making sure, of course, that the food is attractively prepared and offered. After all, if his father has a very small appetite and you not much more, and the child eats with you, it is hardly to be expected that he will develop a large appetite, since this would be bound to seem greedy to him. One of the best helps would be if you could possibly arrange for him to have a meal, even if only an occasional one, with other children of about his age, who do eat well. Somehow children seem to get so much reassurance form the sight of others of their age doing things they are reluctant to do. It acts more effectively than any amount of urging or persuading on the part of the adults. But if he is so healthy and well developed, I don’t think you need to worry as much as you have done, provided you are sure that the food you offer is well-balanced, varied and attractive.
I have no doubt that there are ways in which you could help to strengthen the boy’s leg muscles, but I am not competent myself to give you detailed advice. You would need to be shown how to deal with it. I would suggest your writing for information about the question to Miss Vulliamy, of the Hampstead School of Physical Culture, 1. Broadhurst Gardens, NW3. She would be able to tell you where to go for the detailed information you need.
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