Playtime and its problems, 1932 - Ursula Wise gives a parent ideas about providing physical play for her son.

March 16, 1932 in The Nursery World

Playtime and its Problems

“Conscientious” writes: - “I wonder if you can give me some suggestions as to how to provide the physical side exercise necessary for my son Michael, aged five years? I have two other children, one a baby of three months and as I have very little help in the house, I cannot spare time to take Michael on long walks. We have a large lawn, with a summer house at the bottom, where Michael has his bricks, train and a set of farm animals. He will play there for a short time, but then come to me saying, ‘Mummie, what can I do? I am tired of these things.’ I feel this is perhaps because he needs more energetic play. He has a scooter and ‘fairy cycle,’ also a football and wheelbarrow. But a football is rather tame by oneself, and there is no garden where he can dig. As we live at the seaside he will be able to dig on the beach in the summer, when baby is older and the endless work caused by fires etc., is over, so I can spare time to take the kiddies and sit on the beach watching them. Is there any apparatus (not very expensive) which provides the climbing and jumping, etc., which one cannot afford to allow over the furniture? Or could you suggest anything we might make at home? I have heard a ‘junglegym’ mentioned, but have no idea what it is. I should be very grateful for any suggestions in this direction. Will you also please tell me whether you consider H.G. Wells ‘Floor Games’ would be any help to me? After dinner Michael has a short rest, and then usually I take him and baby for a walk from 3 til 4 p.m. We have not lived here very long, and so far I have not found a companion for him, though I know this would be very advisable. 

It is by no means easy to give a solitary boy of five years enough active exercise. When two or three children are together they will run and jump and play spontaneously in a way that brings healthy development. But it is not easy to ensure this with a boy who has no companionship. I would certainly try very hard to find some little friends for your son if I were you. Perhaps he will make some for himself when the weather is nice enough for him to spend his time on the beach. 

With regard to apparatus for climbing and jumping, even the simplest things will help. For example, a large soap or sugar box made smooth and free from splinters and a narrow plank laid on the box at one end, is an excellent stimulus to balancing, climbing and jumping. If one has two or three such boxes of different sizes the boy can arrange these so as to make a high stair and practice jumping off. Then a low swing can be made quite inexpensively, and this will tempt even a solitary child sometimes. A short ladder that a boy can rest firmly against the side of the house is another great amusement. As regards the junglegym, you would find an illustration showing what this is like in a frontispiece to “The Nursery Years” (Routledge, 6d). Such a climbing cage need not be elaborate or large. Any amateur carpenter should be able to make one that is firmly based and large enough to give the child free exercise for arms and legs in various ways. The squares of the cage should be large enough to enable the child to get through them. The rungs themselves must be strong enough to hold the child’s weight and of such a diameter that he can get a firm grasp with his hand; and all the wood of which the cage is constructed should be smooth and free from splinters. But I would try very hard to find at least one playmate for your little boy. Wells’s “Floor games” is excellent, and would probably be a great help. It has just been reissued. 

Growing Up, 1932 – Ursula Wise talks about the child’s changing play needs and interests

April 6, 1932 in The Nursery World

Growing up

“M. K. W.” writes: I wonder of you could help me with my two children, John, aged seven, and Mary, six years? They are the only children on both sides of the family, and consequently have lots and lots of nice toys, but they always seem to lose interest in them after the first day. They are at school all day now, but when they have had tea and time to play before bedtime they want to rush about in some noisy fashion. As I have to wash and feed baby in our common nursery-sitting-living room in a very small flat, I could get on much better if they would settle down quietly with their toys. As they have a good walk to school and back twice a day, plenty of exercise in school – a council school - and I usually take them shopping or in the park before returning to tea, I would like them to settle down to something quiet after tea, but do not wish to deprive them if they really need the exercise. When they have a holiday or are at home for any reason they get lots of toys out all over the floor, but they do not seem to know how to play with anything, and as I do everything myself have little opportunity to play with them. Drawing is the one thing that holds John’s interest for any time; he really seems unable to concentrate on anything else. Do I expect too much from them yet, and do you think the fault is partly mine as I have been unable to supervise and direct their play? Also, could you suggest any way by which their many relatives could remember birthdays and Christmas other than by adding to their large collection of toys? They are both bright, intelligent children, and are getting on very well at school.” 

It is very trying, I am sure, when two such big children insist on rushing about noisily in your small flat, and you must long for them to settle down to some quiet occupation. They are obviously not short of exercise, and I understand that it must seem like sheer perversity to you. And yet one has to remember that in their school hours they will certainly have a good deal of sitting still – probably far more than is really desirable at six or seven years of age. It is astonishing how much vigorous fee movement children of these years can do with and really need. They need it for physical health, and they seem to need it psychologically, too. There are children of a quitter and more sober temperament, of course; but most children of that age do seek an almost unlimited amount of active movement of one sort or another. And if one is at liberty to plan the conditions of their life and education one follows the line of providing for such ample movement and making it fruitful in skill – in dancing and rhythm, in outdoor games and in handicrafts. Then it becomes easy to train the children to order and control. But when one is simply obliged by circumstances that one cannot alter to deny the children this liberty of movement as a means of education, the problem of training then becomes much more difficult. I wonder whether a compromise as regards time would not help in your special case - to offer them, say, half an hour after tea in which you leave them free to be as boisterous as they like in the understanding that after that time they do occupy themselves in some other way? If through this suggestion they got a clear sense that you understood their impulses and appreciated how much they long to run about after sitting still as many hours as children do in school and that you were not labelling them naughty, but were yourself bound by reasons of circumstance and common-sense then I think they might be able to show more consideration and more willingness to fit in with the common needs of the home. 

            As regards toys, I should suggest to all the kind relatives that they give the children materials for making things, rather than ordinary toys – carpenters’ tools, modelling clay, painting and drawing materials (of a large kind, not niggly little boxes and brushes) – or, of course, god children’s books, such as the classic fairy stories or tales of animals. And I think you might find H. G. Wells’ book on “Floor Games” very useful; the children might well become absorbed in such games. Children of six and seven, by the way, do not yet show much “concentration” of the adult type, and are often very momentary in their interests. But especially will this be true of children who are working hard in school and getting on well; they need the relaxation of flitting about from one thing to another out of school hours. In a few years’ time it will be different. Then, if they take to reading, they may come to the stage when it is only too difficult to get them to take notice of anything in the world but the book they are absorbed in!

The child who will not eat, 1934 - Ursula Wise comment on the pitfalls of parental anxiety over eating and advocates the advantages of social eating.

January 24,1934 in The Nursery World 

The child who will not eat

“Gee” writes: “I read your columns of The Nursery World with much interest and am venturing to ask your advice about my small boy aged four years next month. The main problem at present is that he will not eat, but will sit and dream and play with his food during meal times. He has his meals with us, as we have not room for a day nursery, and it is inconvenient for him to have his meals alone. I have tried playing with him, forcing him to eat (i.e. feeding him myself which he usually objects to very much), taking no notice of him and making him go without his food. But none of these remedies seem very effective. He is very fond of sweets, but I try to limit him to one during the morning and two after lunch or tea. He is tall for his age and although not fat, is far from skinny, with the exception of his legs, which are extremely thin and very double-jointed, which means he is constantly falling down. He is very healthy indeed, and never still for a moment, except when in bed. He sleeps well and has an hour’s rest before lunch every day. His father has a very small appetite, and I am not a great eater, so do you think it is just natural for him to eat very, very little? Even as an infant he was always rather ‘difficult’ with bottles. He has never been ‘spoilt’ not allowed much of his own way, but if he really doesn’t want the food, shall I just let him leave it? I hate people to be ‘faddy’ over food, and am so afraid he may grow up to be one of those people who ‘don’t like this’ and ‘can’t eat that.’

            “As regards his legs, is there any other way - apart from sending him to a dancing class, which I have already done - in which I can help to develop them? He is never free from bruises caused by his falls, and although he never cries, I don’t think it can do him any good. Could I massage them in any way?”

            It sounds to me as if you had fussed too much about your boy’s not eating. So often this situation is created at the first sign of any reluctance to eat what he is supposed to eat - perhaps soon after he first gets on solid food. If one then does start pressing and urging, the child may go on expecting this and being unable to eat unless he gets it. I cannot tell from your letter whether this has been the history. It does happen that there are children who are very difficult from the beginning, and you say that he was difficult even in the bottle stage. And yet it seems to me likely that you have had too much anxiety about the whole thing, as you say you “hate people to be faddy over food.” Children readily sense the emotions of adults about these things, and this very often increases rather than lessens the difficulty. I should certainly be inclined to try the policy of consistently leaving him alone, making sure, of course, that the food is attractively prepared and offered. After all, if his father has a very small appetite and you not much more, and the child eats with you, it is hardly to be expected that he will develop a large appetite, since this would be bound to seem greedy to him. One of the best helps would be if you could possibly arrange for him to have a meal, even if only an occasional one, with other children of about his age, who do eat well. Somehow children seem to get so much reassurance form the sight of others of their age doing things they are reluctant to do. It acts more effectively than any amount of urging or persuading on the part of the adults. But if he is so healthy and well developed, I don’t think you need to worry as much as you have done, provided you are sure that the food you offer is well-balanced, varied and attractive.