The Self-Reliant child, 1934 - Ursula Wise reply to a mother about her little boy exemplifies the friendly, co-operative attitude on the part of the grown-up which is of such great importance to the child’s development

January 31, 1934 in The Nursery World

The Self-Reliant child

       "G.R." writes:- "I have just been reading ‘P.J.’s’ problem in THE NURSERY WORLD. I feel I would like to tell you about my little boy, who was three years old last November. I am only a working-class mother and have no help whatever. When my little son was fourteen months old his sister was born, so maybe that is the reason he is so grown-up. Since before he was two he has gone to the bathroom and stood by a pail, by himself, whenever he wanted to do a little job, and every night when he goes to bed I put the pot on a stool right close to the bed and he looks after himself. In the morning he gets out, puts his dressing gown on, then sits on the pot and wraps a blanket around his legs. I go in to him at 7.30 (after I have seen my husband off to work) and he has usually done his duty. He takes the chamber into the bathroom himself and empties it and runs the tap in it and stands it in the bath for me to finish off. He also helps me with the baby. If I am busy, baking or washing up, and Maureen wants to sit down, he will get the pot and see to her for me. I do not know if you will think he is an unusual type of child. I would like your opinion on the subject – he really is very good. He has two hours’ sleep every afternoon, and goes to bed at 7 every night – a little late, perhaps, but I keep them up until Daddy comes home, as he does not see them in the morning. I am sending you some snaps so that you can see wat an intelligent looking little fellow he has been from the start.”

I was interested to receive this letter. G.R.’s little boy is obviously unusually intelligent and sensible and the photographs show him to be a perfectly happy land jolly child as well. His skill in handling utensils and looking after himself is certainly unusual. But it is quite clear from the expression of his face that he is not feeling these things to be a burden at all. G.R. must have had the gift of winning his co-operation in these things in such a way that they become simply problems of skill for him, and not duties or burdens. She is to be congratulated on her success in getting this friendly cooperation. I am sure that P.J. and many other mothers will be interested in this letter, and it will encourage mothers to believe that it is possible to allow little children to do things for themselves without any undue pressure, and that this is a much better solution than treating the child like a little automaton who must do what he is told, or stand still and have things done for him. G.R.’s letter confirms however, what I often feel when I am making practical suggestions about what to do – that in the last resort everything comes down to the personal skill of the mother or nurse, and that no advice can take the place of a really friendly co-operative attitude on the part of the grown-up – an attitude which takes pleasure in the child’s development of skill, without feeling shame at his mistakes on the basis of duty.