March 3, 1937 in The Nursery World
The Shy Child
“Ira” writes: “My little girl is three years old this month. She is, I think, shy in a strange way. The problem is dancing classes. She is very keen to dance – dances nearly all day, especially when music is within her hearing. So I started her at a small dancing class for tiny tots. V. was thrilled for several weeks, then someone shut the door of the room rather sharply and V. burst into tears. I had to be sent for, she quietened but no more dancing that day. The nest week I went along with her and stopped there all the time, but V. would not dance – just sat beside me. This has now gone on for several weeks, both of us watching the other children, but V. makes no attempt to join them, although her little body is keeping time to the dancing and music, and she seems as if she is longing to join in but just can’t bring herself to do it. Occasionally she gets down, stands in front and does a few steps, then seems to remember something and comes back on the chair. I want to know whether to continue to take her along just to look on – or to stop going for a time. As soon as we return home she is full of dancing and says she will dance next week, which she never does. The dancing mistress thinks she will get over it if allowed to watch but not asked to take part. I might add she never likes doors closed – why I don’t know – as to my knowledge she has never been frightened by a door or shut in a room. Strangely she will have her bedroom door closed – crying out if it is left open. She is quite a healthy child and very active – sleeps well. V. has a brother six years, whom she adores but cannot bear to share him with other children. She herself does not care to play with other children, and will not stay in the room with strangers but cries for me.”
Such sudden fears are very common in children of your little girl’s age, but they usually grow out of them gradually, with normal development. I would feel inclined to continue to take your little girl to look on at the dancing classes, if she is happy to do so, but not to press her or even to suggest that she joins in the dancing for the present. I think the dancing teacher is right in that matter. If you kept her away, the child might think that there was really something to be afraid of. But if you take her to watch the other children dancing for a period, she will gradually gain confidence, and her wish to dance will overcome her fear. I would try to guard against the event of the door slamming again, and ask the dancing teacher to co-operate in this. Let the child dance as much as she likes at home, and provide music for her to dance to, and you could join in the dancing with her yourself. You say that the child does not care to play with other children, and if you continue to take her to watch the dancing classes this will give her experience of other children, and when she gains more confidence, she may join in with them more happily. With regard to the fear of closed doors, she is likely to grow out of this too as she gets older. I would be careful to make sure that she does not get shut up in a room accidentally, and it may help her if you let her open and close doors herself.
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