December 12, 1934 in The Nursery World
Giving and Getting
Advice on how to help a little girl of nearly two to realise that Christmas is a time of giving and not only of “What will Father Christmas bring me?”
“H.H.” writes: “ I have always found your advice to parents and nurses in THE NURSERY WORLD so helpful that I am writing to ask your help in regard to my small daughter, aged now twenty months. Now that Christmas is approaching we are wondering just what we are to tell Ann about its meaning and festivities. This may sound a very trivial matter as she is certainly not old enough consciously to remember later what we she has been told, but we do feel strongly that an impression will be left, and we are anxious that that impression shall not be the one which seems so universal amongst children – Christmas as the ‘getting’ time, conveying to them nothing but ‘What Father Christmas will bring me,’ ‘What shall I have in my stocking?’ I ought to tell you that Ann is certainly quite capable of understanding a simple explanation. She talks a great deal, although not in definite sentences, but she makes use of phrases such as ‘on the floor’, ‘in the water’, ‘certainly not,’ etc., etc., and already demands explanations for things she does not understand , e.g., why the church bells do not ring every day, why the shops are not always open. She has already remarked on the Christmas cakes in the shop windows and been told that people have pretty cakes at Christmas and she may see one when she goes to stay with granny. No doubt many people with children a good deal older than Ann will think it doesn’t matter much what one tells such a small child. So many people seem to take the attitude ‘she’s only a baby,’ but I notice that the children of such people usually do behave like babies, while those of whom more is expected are always more developed. No intelligent parent who has tried to follow your constant advice to reason with a child instead of scolding it, not as a last resort, but in the first instance, can fail to realise how sound it is. So please give us your opinion as to how parents should approach the Christmas season to their young children, as well as the Santa Claus legend, which is mentioned to them, whether we will or not, by every well-meaning adult.”
Your little girl is rather young to be given definite explanations of Christmas time, but since she is so intelligent and full of questions you are obviously right in wanting to meet any situation that may arise with regard to Father Christmas. I quite agree that it is a pity to let children grow up with the idea that Christmas is simply a time when one gets presents. But surely that can easily be avoided by helping them also to make and give presents? Even a child as young as your little daughter can have a share in the giving of present to other people. She could not only hand presents that you have bought for her to give her father and her granny, but could surely, since she is so intelligent, help to choose some little gift for them. Within the next year or two she could make simple little gifts by threading a bead necklace, or painting a. little picture, entirely on her own lines, or hemming a duster with large stitches of coloured thread for other people. She could help you put up any decorations that you have. She might be able to help with that this year, and certainly be allowed to take an interest in. Next year, if not this, she could help to decorate the Christmas cake. There are endless ways in which a child can take a more active share in giving pleasure to other people as well as getting it for herself. Even before she can actually make presents for people she could certainly wrap them up and tie a pretty ribbon round them. These are the lines on which one can encourage the child to share in the giving side of Christmas time.
With regard to the Santa Claus legend, children delight in this, and there is sure no reason for with-holding it from them, since it plays such a part in Christmas cards and the shops and story groups, and she is sure to hear Santa Claus mentioned by grown-up friends.
It is a very charming legend and, why should not the children have the pleasure of it? But it is certainly important that not to tell children that Santa Claus is real. It leads to the most bitter disappointment later on with many children if they have been told that the Santa Claus story is real. It does not lessen their pleasure in the legend to be given it like any other legend. They are familiar with the difference between play and reality, and they can enjoy the phantasy of Santa Claus coming down the chimney and filling their stockings even though they know quite well that it is father and mother who do it. But if they are seriously assured that it is a real happening, they are liable to grievous disappointment when they discover, as they are bound to do at six or seven years of age, that the parents have told them an untruth.
It is a very charming legend and, why should not the children have the pleasure of it? But it is certainly important that not to tell children that Santa Claus is real. It leads to the most bitter disappointment later on with many children if they have been told that the Santa Claus story is real. It does not lessen their pleasure in the legend to be given it like any other legend. They are familiar with the difference between play and reality, and they can enjoy the phantasy of Santa Claus coming down the chimney and filling their stockings even though they know quite well that it is father and mother who do it. But if they are seriously assured that it is a real happening, they are liable to grievous disappointment when they discover, as they are bound to do at six or seven years of age, that the parents have told them an untruth.
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