March 8, 1933 in The Nursery Word
A little girl of five who domineers her elder brothers
“A.R.” writes, “ Reading with interest your replies to other readers, I venture to ask you a question myself. I am only a working-class mother and have to manage my children alone. I have four children, the three eldest being boys, aged twelve, nine, seven, and my baby girl is now five. They are all dear children, but lately my little girl has grown very domineering , especially to her brothers. She orders them and expects them to wait on her, and everything they have she wants. She has been rather spoilt all her life, being the only girl, and now getting so selfish and over-bearing. What worries me as much as anything is the way the boys put up with it. They all give in to her without a murmur, even to her most outrageous demands. Bobby (aged twelve) is very fond of Meccano, and has a lovely set given him by my husband’s employer, but he will let Sylvia pull his best models to pieces, knock them on the floor, etc., and he never says a word. The other boys have lots of toys and games, trains, etc., not really suitable for girl, but Sylvia has them all whenever he likes. And yet the boys fight among themselves for the least thing, and Bobby is inclined to bully Keith and Owen, but he would not let anyone lay a finger on Sylvia, and neither would they. Surely it is not right for boys to be domineered over like that, and how can I stop them from spoiling her without spoiling their nice ways to her? They honestly do think the world of her and are always boasting of her. And she knows it, and I am afraid she will grow up vain and spoilt".
I certainly think you are right in feeling that something should be done about this situation. It is, of course, very bad for the child to be able to tyrannise to that extent over three boys. I should definitely intervene when they allow the child to behave unreasonably – for example, when the biggest boy allows the little girl to knock his models about. It may be that he is allowing that because he thinks you would be angry if he did not, and I should certainly take steps to make quite clear that you disapprove of such behaviour and are on his side. I would not be angry, if he did not, and I should certainly take steps to make clear that you disapprove of such behaviour and are on his side. I would not be angry, but I would definitely represent the view that it is unreasonable for any person to be allowed to damage someone else’s constructive efforts in that way. It is not as if she were a tiny baby and could not understand. I am sure that it is better for her happiness and character that you should intervene on her behalf of sense and reason. And it is better for the boys, too, that they should not have this unnaturally quixotic attitude to a girl and feel that this is the only right way to behave towards her. If I were you I should speak to the boys about it when the little girl is not there. Tell them that you think it is very bad for the child herself, and appeal to them to be more sensible. They could still be friendly and yet not allow the child to tyrannise over them in this way. I do not think it will spoil their nice attitude to help them to be really more responsible and sensible.
