May 15, 1935 in The Nursery World
Some of us wake up bright and cheerful, for others of us the morning is definitely not our best time. A little girl’s morning irritability is the subject of one of this week’s letters answered by Ursula Wise
“Irritating mother” writes: “I should be so glad if you could help me with a problem connected with my seven and a half year old daughter. She is a very jolly, cheery, happy little soul, except in the early morning during the getting-up and dressing processes. Everything then seems to go wrong, everything I do or say ‘irritates her’ (her own expression). She will take an hour over her dressing and when I try to hurry her becomes worse than ever; she is thoroughly cross, rude and almost unbearable. I have tried giving her magnesia, barley-sugar to suck, and fruit juice to drink – she refuses to eat anything before breakfast. We get up at 7.30, breakfast at 8.30. She always has malted milk for her supper at 6.45 p.m., but nothing to eat as she is liable to have bad dreams and we have found they are much better when she has not had any food. She is practically an only child as her sister is seven years older, and away at school, but they are tremendous friends when together. She has a governess and easy lessons in the mornings and ‘nanny’ comes at 2.30 every day and stays til after bedtime. She is inclined to acidosis, though growing out of it, I think, is rather anaemic as her lips are often pale. It is really quite a problem as to how to deal with her in the mornings. I have tried leaving her entirely alone and I have tried dressing her myself, but neither of these methods are very successful, and I should be so very glad if you can give me any suggestions. She is very dawdly in most things, and I am very quick. I am afraid I may get rather impatient at times, but she seems to get quite frenzied when I tell her, however calmly, to ‘hurry up.’ She is almost absurdly devoted to me, in fact, we often laugh together over her ‘soppy’ ways, but at these times and especially in the early mornings she is intensely rude, and I am so afraid of it becoming an ingrained habit that I should be most thankful to know how best to deal with it. Is it psychological; or physical; or merely hunger?”
It seems to me probable that this irritability of your daughter arises from a combination of causes. Doubtless she gets cross more easily when she is hungry in the morning, but doubtless also, this is not purely a physical need of food so much as an emotional sensitivity about the feeling of emptiness. It is quite likely that it connects with the experience of weaning long ago. I wonder if you remember how she took to the process of weaning – whether she was difficult at the time? Many grown-ups are more inclined to be cross and unhappy before breakfast, aren’t they? Whereas others are at their best in the early morning. Evidently your daughter would belong to the first of these two types. But it is very likely that the acuteness of her irritability will get less as she gets older. It may be that she would do better if she had a little food at supper time, but you can only find that out by experience. If you give her any, I should not make any particular comment about it, or let her know that you are observing its results or anxious about the effect. On the whole, I should be inclined to trust to the normal course of development to get her over this special difficulty of the early morning irritation. It is a pity that she will not drink some orange juice before she gets out of bed, since this would certainly be a help. I wonder whether you could make it a general household custom to drink some orange juice before getting up in the mornings? At any rate, if you try to get her to do it, do not handle it as if it were drinking of medicine. Let it be a pleasure and an indulgence. I certainly would not try to dress the child. it would be far better to leave her to look after herself at her own pace, but if you do this, do not let her feel that you are punishing her by depriving her of your help, and do not actually refuse help if she wants to have it. Since she is so very devoted to you, and otherwise a sensible child, I am sure you will find she will get over this special difficulty of you can ease off the situation before breakfast for her. It might even be a help if you let her come to breakfast in her dressing -gown and dress afterwards.
