August 8th,1934 in The Nursery World
Nursery School Age
“Another Beloved Mummy” writes: - “I was very interested in your reply to ‘Bothered’. With surprise I noted that her two-and-a-half-year-old kiddie goes to a nursery school. I understood that five years of age was school age.
“But what I am writing for mainly is to ask you a few hints on management of my two kiddies, one aged three and the other eighteen months. Whilst baby was younger, I managed with the help of a morning woman. Since baby walked, I have been obliged to keep a resident maid. Things are not much better now, as the children are so very troublesome. Baby is at the age when she wants everything she sees, even to three-and-a half-year-old’s toys. If the older child protests baby lies on the floor and screams. On the other hand, the older child takes everything away from the baby. They destroy everything I buy – plasticine, crayons, etc.,- until there’s nothing left. The older one is a perfect nuisance to take out as she worries me to buy her something from every toy shop we see (other shops too). They tease and quarrel with one another all day and seem bored stiff with a new toy after a few minutes with it. I have to keep sending them out in the pram with the girl while I write a letter or talk to Daddy. In spite of it all, if I part them (which is extremely inconvenient), baby keeps asking for ‘Deen’ (Doreen), and ‘Deen’ keeps wanting to go to baby. I may add they are definitely ‘wanted’ children and have every care and attention. Neither has been ill since they were born. They sleep in the same room and never quarrel there; ‘Deen’ pushes toys into a baby’s cot, etc. The older child used to fall asleep as soon as she was put to bed, but now it’s 8 p.m. and later by the time she goes off. She’s always begging me to stay with her. She has no day-time sleep either, and is getting very troublesome in the night, calling out and coming into our bedroom four or five times during the night. She seems to be so full of energy, yet she will not walk far. So, it means pushing two of them and they quarrel and push each other’s legs (pram is a large folder). Baby is put down to sleep (protesting vigorously) at 11.30 until 12.30. During that hour the older child hangs round the stove and sink stirring water and interfering with the cooking. She will not go away, being a very disobedient child. In desperation I tried to smack, which brings instant and obedience and promises to be good. But I do not want her to associate her mother with physical pain. She is very strong-willed and has always an answer ready! I must add that the older girlie has never shown any signs of jealousy. (We treat them alike). But baby seems very jealous and pushes the older child away, when she climbs on my knee. “
Nursery schools are intended for children between two and five years of age. That is why they have this name. They are not schools in the ordinary sense, but much more in the nature of a good nursery, where they can have all the physical care and the happy play which they need at this age. Five years is the age for the ordinary kindergarten school, which is run on rather different lines, with definite teaching. The charges made by the different nursery schools vary, and I cannot quote any general fee; but if you want to find out whether there is a nursery school available in your neighbourhood, it would be best to write to The Secretary of The Nursery Schools Association, 29, Tavistock Square, London. WC1 who would certainly be able to give you this information. It seems to me very likely that your elder little girl would benefit from a nursery school life. On the other hand, the younger child would be lonely without her, and it might perhaps be better to wait for another year until they could go together.
It is not easy for me to tell quite what has gone wrong in your handling of the two children, but it certainly sounds as if there were something in the general atmosphere which led them to be unusually destructive and quarrelsome. I wonder whether you could possibly arrange to give them a definite period, even if it were only one hour during the morning when you could devote yourself entirely to them for play and companionship? It may be that they feel that they are always in the background, and never have you to themselves free from household worries. It might be very helpful to stay with your elder for ten minutes or a quarter of an hour after she is in bed, talking in a friendly way and telling little stories. You will see in my reply to another letter how useful this can be in settling the child down and letting her feel secure in the friendly interest of the mother.
And when the older child comes round the stove and the sink, couldn’t you let her actually help you instead of treating it as naughtiness? Lots of little children of this age can really help with the washing up or the drying. If you gave her a table of the right height and a bowl of water and a towel, she could wash the cups and saucers and spoons quite satisfactorily. It is obvious that she is very interested in your activities and wants you to share them. It is a great pity to treat this as naughtiness, since it is a most desirable attitude in the child, and one that can be made use of in her training. Let her do a little cooking of her own when you are doing it, giving her a piece of pastry to roll or even letting her mix a little cake of her own. It is surprising what little children can do on these lines if they are helped, and even if they do not achieve very much, it means to them understanding and friendly interest on the part of the mother, and this makes a world of difference to the child. It is in this direction that I think the source of your trouble lies. The child must feel that you are always wanting to push her away and make her play by herself, when what she is really interested to do is to understand your activities and learn to share in them.
