Four Years Old, 1937 - Ursula Wise reassures a parent who is 'worrying unnecessarily' about her child's reluctance to play with other children.

January 13, 1937 in The Nursery World

Four years old 

A little girl who will not play with other children, although she is perfectly friendly with grown-ups is the subject of one of this week’s letters answered by Ursula Wise.

"M.C.” writes: “Do you consider this a problem, and if so how would you recommend me to solve it? My family consists of three – boys, nine and six and a girl, four. Before we went home on leave last March the little girl played happily with others, but I think possibly her brother of six, who is devoted to her, very often broke the ice for her. (The nine-year-old was at school in England and now the six-year-old has joined him.) In England we did not see many other children, but she was always ready to play with the boys, though they rather scorned her. She went through a very naughty and whiney stage till three-and-a-half, under an unsuitable, too devoted Nannie. She is now a really charming little girl, full of life, and mischief, but reasonable, obedient and popular with grown-ups. But she will not play with other children. She is perfectly happy with her Nannie or me, or other grown-ups, or even playing by herself, but if other children come, she clings to Nannie or me. Occasionally she is all right with older children, especially boys. A possible explanation is that when we were in England, I left her with her brothers in their very happy Nursery School, while my husband and I were staying with people. She was happy there, but I think occasionally felt the want of someone who was her own to look after. Also, I had not really explained to her that I was going away, and for some time afterwards she could not bear me out of her sight. Do you think it important that she should be encouraged to play with others when she is so much happier alone? Do you consider the that time will put an end to this phase? I could try leaving her alone with her little friends when they come, and this might ease things a bit. She is slightly shy with strange grown-ups on occasions, but very friendly normally, and everyone likes her. I fear children will not care for her if she refuses to play with them! If everything goes according to plan I shall not need to send her to boarding school till she is twelve, as we should be in England when she is six, for six years, so she has plenty of time to get over her shyness.” 

            

You are worrying unnecessarily about your little girl’s reluctance to play with other children. It seems quite understandable in all the circumstances of her history, and it often occurs at her age, even with children who have had a more ordinary life than your little girl has. I expect you are right in feeling that she is afraid of letting you go away for her, and probably she feels the loss of her brother very much indeed, and may be afraid to become warmly attached to any other child, since that, too, might lead to a similar loss. But the next two or three years should see a change in her attitudes in these respects especially if you do not try to force her to play with other children. I would give her plenty of opportunity, but would not urge or worry her about it. I would not even comment upon it and thus make her self-conscious. When you have little friends to play with her, play with them yourself, too. Give her the experience of playing with other children through your own companionship as bridge. When she goes to her day school in England she will probably make friendships naturally, and her development will fall on normal lines. 

Should a child of two learn to read, 1933: Ursual Wise shows us that the debate about how to learn to read is not new!

December 27, 1933 in The Nursery World

Should a child of two learn to read?

“K.L.K." writes: - “I should be most grateful for your advice about my small son aged 2 years and 6 months. Bill is a healthy, happy child, and has so far shown no signs of ‘nerves’ in any direction; he is forward for his age and quick to pick things up, but is nothing exceptional either mentally or physically. My problem is this: Does it matter his learning and frequently playing with a set of large, painted wooden letters, which were given him a month ago. He has never been taught the letters as a lesson, but by continually playing with the set during his ‘after-tea’ romp and asking which their names are , he now knows the entire alphabet, with three exceptions – but not , of course, in their correct order, and is starting to want to know how to make them into words. Do you consider that it would be ‘pushing’ him to encourage the word making – I do not mean exactly teaching him, but rather continuing the letter game a stage further. I do not know at what age it is usual for a child to know his letters. 

During July I took Bill and his sister, aged 1 year, to the sea with two older children, and during the time we were there – he was 2 years and 2 months then – he picked up, and took enormous pleasure in repeating ten nursery rhymes, usually without any hesitations or mistakes; but quite suddenly about a month after we came home gave this up completely, and I have no idea if they are forgotten or only tired of, and do not want to press the point. If you consider it a good thing for him to continue the letters and word making, I should be so glad of your advice as to how to prevent a repetition of the nursery rhyme ‘forgetfulness.’ He has picked the letters up without the smallest effort, and I do feel it would be such a pity to have to start really learning them in a year or so’s time. This problem has actually arisen with a friend’s child, aged four, who now has no idea of the letters with which he was familiar a year ago. I should be so interested to know what the normal 2 ½ year old is expected to know – letters, numbers and general knowledge. Bill has a small pedal car and when out with me in the real car, said, “My car goes with pedals, how do you make your car go, and why does it stop?” Which looks as if he is at the least beginning to do something in the way of thinking out problems for himself. He can ‘say’ numbers up to nine – I have no idea where he picked them up, but has no idea of really counting accurately, further than three. Also, a short time ago he bombarded me with questions about eggs – ‘Where do they come from?’ – and, ‘You say the chick-chick lays them, but does she make them?’ I replied ‘Yes, of course, she does,’ which satisfied him, and he has never mentioned it again; but I cannot help wondering how to cope with that problem too, as I feel he is far too young to understand any real explanations and I am so very much against the ‘gooseberry–bush’ method with such questions.”

The normally intelligent child of two and a half is not, as a rule, actively interested in letters, and very few children, indeed, at this age, have begun to learn letters. It does occasionally happen that a highly intelligent child begins to recognise words and to read simply at this age, but it is very rare. Where a child really wants to learn words he meets in the ordinary course of life, for example, names of shops, posters and advertisements, there is no reason why he should be stopped. But that is quite different from expecting children of two and a-half to know anything about letters. A great many educationalists would like to postpone any formal learning of reading until seven years of age, and it has been found that children who do not begin until then catch up perfectly well on others who have learnt very much earlier. One cannot lay down a general law. The view of the Consultative Committee of the Board of Education, as just stated in its Report on Infants’ and Nursery Schools, is that a child should be allowed to read whenever he wants to, whether that be three years of age or six years of age. We do not, however, need to feel that there is anything wrong with his not being able to read, at any rate until he is seven.